The definitive list of weird cartoon crushes we all had
Growing up is a tricky time for us all. Scraped knees, education, and a bombardment of new and confusing feelings. None of this was helped by the eclectic assortment of hella good-looking animated characters we were brainwashed with as kids.
As this list will reveal, those cartoon executives must have been making mood-boards and having meetings about how to make their characters better looking than real actual humans just to mess with our tiny spongey brains. That or we were just really depraved as children to feel our first stab of love for an animated fox…
Disney
It’s best to get the obvious out of the way quickly. Disney.
Disney seem to have bought out the rights to good-looking male characters. It’s like all the executives got together and made a ruling over what young people should find attractive in a man.
The chiselled jaw, thick hair and sparkling eyes can be found in every single Disney love interest. When the designers of Tangled set out to create Flynn Rider they held a “Hot Man Meeting”. Thirty female employees were asked to bring in pictures of their “favourite hunky men” to chop up and put back together in a Frankenstein-esque pursuit of the most beautiful man possible. We had no chance ladies.
Robin Hood
One further Disney love interest that constantly comes up in “weird crush” conversations is the fox that takes from the rich and gives to the poor, Robin Hood. Why Disney chose to cast this film with animals, we’ll never know. Somehow it managed to spark a whole generation to fall in love with the lead character. The amount of fox puns I could write would bore you but just know, he’s one hot fox.
Bart Simpson
Everyone had a cheeky chappy like Bart in their class at school – he was always the one that asked you to be his girlfriend one day, then dumped you for your best friend the next. And boy we loved him for it. His complete disregard for authority and love of pranks made him the perfect crush.
Moses – Prince of Egypt
Voiced by Val Kilmer in the 1998 DreamWorks film, we fell head over heels for the biblical babe. Not only did he lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt, he led us straight into his heart with his deep voice and damn attractive morality.
Gerald Johanssen – Hey Arnold
(Hey) Arnold’s way cooler pal Gerald had as much swagger as he did hair. Arnold’s loyal, street-smart best friend had all the coolest ideas and made us want to be cool too.
Fireman Sam
Who doesn’t like a man in uniform? This smooth talker from Pontypandy had the most soothing Welsh accent and made us feel like he could take care of us. Remember kids, his engine’s always bright and clean…
Johnny Bravo
Just look at the biceps on this guy. No wonder we grew up with unrealistic expectations of men?!
[Future] Trunks – Dragonball Z
There was no hope for us ladies when the enigmatic Trunks descended from the sky and immediately defeated the rejuvenated Frieza (a task that had taken series protagonist Goku more than 20 episodes) without breaking a sweat. He was a time-traveler, looked hella good in a cropped jacket and had even mastered the art of looking completely ravishing with a sword at hand.
Fred – Scooby-Doo
This snappy dresser was the blond bombshell you could’ve taken home to your mother. Often taking the lead in mystery solving, his sense for justice was his most attractive quality. Rumour has it Daphne stole his heart, but if we’re honest, we think with that sense of style he might be batting for a different team…
Charlie Barkin – All Dogs Go To Heaven 1&2
Charlie Sheen voiced the animated dog version of himself back in the ‘90s, and it was oddly… attractive. Charlie’s eagerness to break the rules and resort to non-heavenly tactics, while still saving the day, certify him as a comely canine.
Andy – Toy Story 1,2 & 3
Talk about Neville-Longbottoming, Andy went from gawky cowboy obsessive to hunky college boy in just three films. We grew up with that little kid and we’re now ready for our relationship.
Ash – Pokémon
Gotta catch ’em all? We’d already found our catch in the wide-eyed Ash Ketchum. On his journey to become the world’s greatest Pokémon trainer, Ash captured our hearts with his kind soul and stubborn teenage rebelliousness.
Brock -Pokémon
Whilst we’re on that subject, when Ash was just too much sugar and spice, we turned to Brock for a dose of the bad boy.
Inuyasha
Inuyasha was the ultimate misunderstood bad boy with a huge heart. An apparently unlovable mix of half human and half demon, Inuyasha lived life on the outside until finally finding love with a human priestess named Kikyo. Their happiness was short-lived, as the pair were tricked into betraying each other and Kikyo was murdered. The brooding troublemaker’s front was sexy, but it was the rare moments when we saw beyond the facade where we fell in love.
TJ – Recess
The coolest boy in school and a clear leader of the Recess gang, TJ was the school rebel everyone wanted to be. His anti-school, pro-kid lifestyle garnered respect from the whole playground – even nerdy Randall wanted to be TJ. We wanted to be on his arm.
Gambit – X-Men: The Animated Series
A man with a love so powerful in burns through his eyes. Sort of. We can pretend right?
Trent – Daria
21 years-old, in a band AND he has a goatee. Trent Lane was the stuff of dreams for any young thing. His rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle and laid-back horizontal attitude towards life is everything your mum would hate in a potential partner for you… which just makes him a billion times more perfect.
If we’ve missed off your cartoon crush, please let us know on Twitter @tvguideshows.
